When it comes to cheating…

I was chilling at my boyfriend’s place and browsing on his computer. He was signed into his  Gmail and of course out of curiosity, I opened it. Went though his inbox…I didn’t really see anything. “Ah…”, I thought to myself, ” He wouldn’t cheat on me. We had this talk and we promised to each other that we are going to be honest and that we

are going to make this work.” Was I mistaken. After we broke up because I cheated, we took a break for 2 years. I thought we were not going to get back together. But we did. The truth came out and I found out he cheated too. Not all the way. But still…you know what I mean. As I was going through his sent messages something caught my attention. Wait…is this? July 22. That was yesterday. I am reading his response to a craigslist ad. He wants to “hang out” because he thinks that the other girl is ” looking for the same thing”. What does that even mean? What thing? Below is a picture of his… And yes it was sent just yesterday. I came here yesterday. I flew all the way from Chicago. To see him. Oh well wasn’t I stupid… I called him, thinking I am gonna tell him on the phone what I found out. And by the way, this wasn’t t the only message of this nature. Didn’t pick up. So I just took snapshots of his conversations and send it to him thru messenger. He messaged right back. Called me 20 times. I wouldn’t pick up. Left me voicemails and messaged me some more. All being hysterical. That he has a problem. That he can’t loose me. That he loves me and can’t go on without me. Then he said that he might be psychotic. Ehm please. Really??? These are all horrible excuses. This is just another story of relationship ending with cheating. Like a billionth, trillionth story about cheating. Isn’t that most relationship end this way anyways? And should I have been smarter and believe the famous quote that “All men cheat.” Probably. The truth is that it is always expected from women and a rule of thumb that they should stay faithful. But why? Men act like animals and act on their impulses. Should this be excused? What would be his reaction if HE caught me? Again? Would he forgive me? Hell no. He would kick me out. On the street. Called me a slut since there is a word in the dictionary that describes a promiscuous, perhaps unfaithful female. What do women do when they catch their partner cheating? Nothing. They let it go. “Oh he is a man…it’s normal, they slip from time to time.” Is this right? Should we let it go because it is more reasonable and natural for a men to cheat. I say no. No to the double standard.

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The only way out is through.

I hate situations that are out of your control. You know…one of those when you can’t do anything. Just wait. And trust me, passivity isn’t one of my personality traits. So dealing with such situations are a living hell for me. Like for example, if the person you love leaves on a vacation and you don’t know if they even arrived because you haven’t heard from them. Their phone is off and they aren’t online. You have no clue where they are, what they are doing and if they are safe. It makes you feel horrible. Because you know that you have to wait for them to contact you. You know you can’t possibly do anything at the moment to get a hold of them. I’m going through this right now. It’s killing me. I realized that I am totally helpless. The waiting game is just frustrating. And this is not the only situation in life that makes you feel this helpless. How about when you wait for the test results at your doctor’s office? Or that time you applied for college or university of your dreams but you weren’t sure if you even get in? That time when your friend or relative revealed that they have a terminal illness? And the list goes on…All these situations can make you feel helpless, angry and most importantly anxious. The feeling that you can’t change anything and that it is totally out of your control is defeating. You can just sit down and stare into a blank space because you know there is possibly nothing you can do. It is hard to learn the art of surrender. It is also hard to learn the art of acceptance. But most importantly, you need to realize that you can’t change things, the process and the speed of it. You have to learn that the only way out is through – meaning that whatever uncomfortable situation you are going through, you have to face it and hold on tight. You can’t escape it or take a shortcut. There is no such a thing as a shortcut in life. Everything has its sequence and flow. The good moments are exchanged by the bad moments. There is no such a thing as stagnancy. There is only growth. Which is inevitable. So next time you will be going though hell, keep going. Winston Churchill knew what he was talking about.

Comment below about the ways you deal with situations like these. I would love to hear your opinions on this topic! 🙂

Tracks for Thursday Night

It’s THE #TBT LIST:

1. Bassnectar – Underwater

2. Flux Pavilion – Bass Cannon

3. Mark Knight – Alright

4. Nicki Minaj – Moment 4 Life

5. Armin Van Buuren – Unforgivable

6. Sander Van Doorn – Drink To Get Drunk

7. Flux Pavilion – Blow The Roof

8. W & W – Bigfoot

9. Iggy Azalea -Heavy Crown

10. Gesaffelstein – Destinations

Consciousness is the most painful thing I ever experienced…

I, personally, don’t like to sleep because I find it…well…boring. Weird, right? But what I really hate is WAKING UP. That horrible feeling when you regain consciousness. When you open your eyes and you realize you are in a dark room, all by yourself.  And it’s cold. And all these weird thoughts come to your mind. Especially those about your future. It’s scary. You realize you still haven’t finished your degree, you still don’t have a boyfriend, you still don’t have a stable income. When you realize that one day you will be all by yourself, relying on yourself and your parents won’t be around. SCARY. With a capital S. But what is worse is that you have to find the power within yourself and believe everything is going to be alright even though you have no evidence that it will. No guarantee. Nothing. Choosing faith over fear – that, my friend, is called the true strength.

My Favorite Products and Brands

Hello all!

So I believe that just like the way you dress, the way you eat and the way you talk tells a lot about you, the products you use and the brands you trust show who you are as well.

That’s why I came up with this list! I guess I wanted to explore and take a peak into my personal preferences…here we go:

1. Mascara

Honestly, I can’t believe this is the first thing that popped up in my mind! BUT! I do realize this item is a necessity and I just know I wouldn’t be able to live without it. I don’t care which brand I use. They are all the same to me. As long as it keeps giving me the confidence boost I’m good! (Bye-bye non-existent, pale blond lashes!)

2. Android Phone

Haha this is a good one! I am, of course, addicted to the internet. So all those cute little apps, including Facebok take up 80 percent of my storage and 80 percent of my time. Poor me! No wonder I can’t even get a boyfriend!

Oh! And did I mention I can’t stand Apple products? Pfff

3. Perfumes

Lots of them. I have like 100 million perfume bottles. I have expensive ones – like for example Knot by Bottega Veneta, but also cheaper ones, like those cute little bottles from Zara. Yes, I know that you should stick to one scent but I just can’t decide! Therefore, I never smell the same. There is just no specific scent that is tied with me. Hashtag unpredictabilty!

4. Red Lipstick

Oh I am known for this one! Also, it’s a classic. So what else to say?

5. Forever 21

Ok. Not just Forever 21. It’s Zara, Bershka, H&M…Basically all those low-end boutiques where you buy tons of clothes for cheap but still save nothing!

6. Kindle

Well not so much the Kindle as the Kindle Store. That is tied to my dad’s account. So I can browse and pick and download any book and they charge him. Not me.

7. Royal Dutch Airlines

Haha ok this is random. But…they have a perfect customer service and their flights are pretty chill. And you know they have good food. Actually, delicious! So they are my favorite airlines. I travel a lot. Like a lot. So I know what I’m talking about! #godutch

8. Monster Energy Drink

I have to admit. I am lately so obsessed with energy drinks. And it’s all because I am creating a strategic plan for the Monster company for my Brand Strategy class. So now I drink that stuff everyday. Bad for you – your health and your pocket -.-

9. Guess

Ok I don’t shop a lot there but…can you resist their jewelry? And bags? And those hot blondes from the 80s on every poster. That’s just pure glamour, don’t you think?

10. Myself

Of course I myself am a brand. Just kidding… But really! In today’s world you kind of HAVE to brand yourself if you want to sell yourself. Just sayin’;)

The Silence

Tick tock tick tock…you hear your watches on the table…10:46 pm…you look on your phone screen… ======= you hear the L train passing by…you look on your phone screen again…nothing. So you take a shower, do your make up, head out. You are trying not to think about it, have fun, drink couple of drinks…You come back home…and you are in your room again…tick tock tick tock…you hear your watches that are laying on the table…so you lay down, close your eyes, trying to sleep. You wake up abruptly. Like someone just grabbed you. It’s the song…its the image in your head…so familiar yet kind of blurry. You check your phone. Nothing. Ouch…now this is familar…the stabbing pain. Like someone just stabbed you in the heart. You close your eyes, this time tears coming down your cheeks. You want to scream. You want to do…something! At least something to take control of the situation. So you won’t feel…trapped. You feel trapped when you just have to wait. When you just have to question yourself. When you feel extremely anxious. Actions cure fear…they say. But what if there is no single action that you could take to make it better? To feel less pain? To feel like you control the situation not him? So you are just waiting and waiting…hours go by…then days go by…then a week goes by…and you are trapped in the hell of silence. ——
The person you have dialed is not avalaibe. Try again later or leave a message after the tone. Beep. —————————————————————————

Connection lost </3

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